showcases

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• Past Events

Upcoming Showcases!

• SOS FEST LB 2024! (External Link)

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showcases

Here are some of my past performances. I've done a few shows with my college club, Musicians Club @ CSULB, and even composed my own song which received 2nd place recognition from the audience.  · Grand Annex Open Mic Night (2023) - Vices and 711
  · Masters of Sound (2022) - Skate, If I Ain't Got You, All Too Well
  · Sounds by Southwest (2021) - Say It Ain't So, good 4 u
  · Beats by the Beach (2021) - Vices (Original Song)

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Writing

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Writing

stories from the vault

Stories from the Vault is a compilation of written works that I wrote during my college years. Here, I explore ideas that range from romance to the mundainties of daily life. Some stories are light-hearted and others not so much.

(note: all warnings will be posted below the title of the entry and at the beginning before each essay.)

stories coming soon!

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Writing

keeping cool in heated vents

Keeping Cool in Heated Vents is a series of mini-essays where I write about issues that I deal with in my daily life. The tone is a bit more serious and may enter ranty-territory. Additionally, I may address sensitive content in this series, so please do not feel obligated to read all the entries for KCDHR.

(note: all warnings will be posted below the title of the entry and at the beginning before each essay.)

boygenius and my queer identity
•(30/06/2023)

What it's like to settle for less career-wise
•(18/01/2023)

Some Two Cents For The Arts; While Those Who Dunk on Them Get Millions
•(21/09/2022)

The Joys of Living With Executive Dysfunction
•(01/09/2022)

Disclaimer: All views are my own.

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Writing

x boygenius and my queer identity xall opinions are my own.

It wasn’t until recently that I started listening to boygenius, the supergroup trio consisting of Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus, and Julien Baker. When their album, The Record, released back in Marsh 2023, I found a few of my friends on Discord listening to it. Yes, I know I’m a weirdo for liking to see what my friends are listening to on Spotify.When I finally did my research on the band, I was aware of Phoebe Bridgers and Lucy Dacus’s solo discography: the former having collaborated with my problematic favorite and the other I found via Spotify listening to “Kissing Lessons.” I didn’t really familiarize myself with Julien Baker until after I started listening to boygenius. I don’t exactly recall how I discovered her solo music, but once I heard her song, “Favor”, it hit a sweet spot in my ear that rung, leaving me curious to learn more about her music.Now much like girl in red, boygenius is one of those music groups that is often “queer-coded”, which is defined as music or any form of medium related to/consumed by queer people. This was one of the personal factors as to why I started listening to boygenius as the trio is consisted of queer women. As someone who is nonbinary but has some complicated feelings on being femme-presenting, I find boygenius to be comfort music to my ears.The charm of boygenius is that from the group’s own description, there is no defined frontwoman. Each member contributes equally to the creative process. And a funny story from how the band got their name was from having worked with several male collaborators who were overconfident in their abilities. After all, there is no shortage of meh songs made by famous male singers in the music industry (I’m looking at you Justin Bieber). Radio music is a sharp contrast from how Boygenius isn’t afraid to experiment with all sorts of sounds and explore different themes in the lyrics of their songs.As pride month comes to an end, I recommend everyone to give even a snippet of boygenius’s (and either Baker, Bridgers, or Dacus's individual) music a listen. It’s not mainstream, like being queer itself, but it is just as good as about anything you hear on the radio (and oftentimes, better). The only thing is that people miss out on good music considered underground, so there is not much media coverage on it. In this era where homophobia and transphobia are on the rise in 2023 somehow, let’s amplify queer voices and hear their stories.

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Writing

What It’s Like To Settle For Less Career-Wise:Everyone says to “never settle for less”, yet many people manage to do the opposite of that, and it is usually not because they want to, but it is rather that they have no other option. With the job market having only so many jobs and millions of people who are seeking employment, it creates the perfect shit-show of underemployed people who are experienced in their fields of expertise, only to be working in what are considered “undesirable” positions.Ever since I graduated May 2022, I’ve struggled to find employment that could give me enough hours for me to pay my bills and invest in a future creative studio with music equipment to composed and record songs alongside a gaming PC to do streaming. As I was creating my studio wish list on Amazon, the total added up to a whopping amount over $1.3K. I knew I was not going to be able to everything on the list I had to create my workspace and I knew I had to find a job that would help me pay for the components of my studio.In the process of finding employment, I already was struggling financially in various aspects of my life. I was paying for college, rent, loans, and other bills. For a short period of time, I worked at a restaurant that barely gave me enough hours to afford everything I was paying for and another period, I was part of a Halloween gig. Afterwards, I was back to square one. I would sit in my room for hours looking via Indeed or polish my resume in the hopes that one day, I would be doing my dream career working in media.Application after application, I found myself getting rejected and discouraged. I wondered to myself if I didn’t do enough while I was in college. At the same time, I knew I couldn’t make time for all of that because I didn’t have the mental/emotional capacity and resources to do what I wanted to do. Knowing those limits, however, gave me what I needed to do when the timing was right. When a few months passed, my mental health slowly began to recover, and I found the commitment for self-improvement and finding work again.It was hard for me to learn that I had to stop thinking of the “what-ifs” of the past and use what I had on me now. Now I might have had some small regrets of not being in my school’s media team, which would have given me more experience and potentially land me in a better position than I am now. However, I still had my year and a half worth of experience being part of a student organization mainly known for its music gigs. Using what I learned from my time there, I listed my voluntary leadership role on my resume alongside the daytime jobs I worked to support myself and my dreams. I carried on in the job searching process, until I landed a part-time job…doing retail.It took me a few days to read through and was waiting to hear back from other positions (some better than the one I have now), but I eventually settled on what I have now. Settling for less is hard, exhausting, painful, humiliating, and makes one question their own worth at times. However, people still do it because in many cases, what choice do they have? Many people have bills to pay, families to feed and take care of, and lives to live; without a stable source of income, people would not be able to afford their necessities—even if for some, it means to work for minimum wage, which they consider less than their actual worth.Life would be far more enjoyable if resources were easily available to communities, especially to those who are disadvantaged. Combine that with being paid low wages across the nation where people either barely or can’t afford what they need, it leads to a point where people simply give up on their dreams of what they wanted their dream career to be. The reality is, the people who already have the resources, can actually afford what they’re worth. That’s the brutal truth of what it’s like to live in a post-capitalistic society. Those who “work hard” (exploit and leech off of others’ hard labor) are the ones who society admires and the people who are considered “have-nots” must have gone wrong somewhere and it’s their fault. This is the mentality unfortunately followed by many as a result of living in a society where profit comes before people.

Author's notes:
1.) I first began writing this article back in September 2022 while I was unemployed. It took me some time to write this, but now having finished it, I am quite proud to share this long rant in spite of its flaws.2.) It stinks for me to say this, but ever since I had to live back at home, my dad's been bagging on me to find a "real job". I wrote this article out of frustration to vent about how people in the post-pandemic era work for shitty wages just to afford their needs. Additionally, my dad is a privileged man who thinks anyone who isn't him is a lowlife; so if you're actually reading this right now dad, I really hope you can put yourself into my (and many others') shoes which I know you probably won't.3.) For those who are living their best lives independently and making good money, I have absolutely nothing against you. You worked hard for that and keep being you. The people I'm giving the stink-eye to are those who think less of those who aren't as privileged as them.

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Writing

Some Two Cents For The Arts; While Those Who Dunk on Them Get Millions:It’s been a long-held view towards artists by American Society; the businessperson is more valuable than the artist. With several educational institutions giving generous amounts of funding to science and research centers at the cost of cutting spending towards Arts programs, this unfortunately has proven to be truer than it should be. In fact, some places go as far as to eliminate their arts programs which is a dangerous downgrade of our education system, leaving creative minds on the short end of the stick for opportunities.When I read on social media¹ about the conditions of the art buildings at California State University – Long Beach, I was in disgust, anger, and unfortunately, not even in shock. Worst of all, students were learning about this in the height of a heat wave², which the school should have prepared for. For an institute known for their art program, I find it ironic that administration somehow cannot consider, let alone afford the needs of their art students. Additionally, while arts students deal with the deteriorating conditions of their classroom buildings, the school’s president, Jane Conoley recently earned a 28 percent raise³ in her salary, much to the dismay of staff and students. #Priorities, right CSULB? It also doesn’t really help CSULB’s case that when students finally confronted the situation head-on, the dean of arts laughed it off⁴. When the board of trustees had a meeting⁵ to discuss the matter, none of the officials brought it up in the first place and any actual efforts that would have made conditions better for students were stalled. CSULB is not the only university face this dilemma; CSULA⁶ has a page dedicated to exposing similar conditions in their arts department and other buildings as well.It's not just the fine arts that seem to be facing a crisis; the liberal arts appear to have a similar situation. I stumbled upon this video⁷ by Zoe Bee where she discusses the importance of English Classes, despite some people’s opinion that it is pointless. The reality is, without learning soft skills taught in English courses (like writing, reading, or speaking properly), people wouldn’t be able to communicate efficiently as they do now. Let alone, they wouldn’t be able to read stories, watch TV and movies, or even listen to music; after all, someone has to put in the hard work of writing the media people consume.Society likes to tell people who study something that isn’t STEM heavy to “get a real job”, yet those same people seem to have difficulty understanding that being creative is hard work. Sure, the job prospects are not necessarily the greatest, but the fact that artists are underfunded and not given enough resources contribute to why they eventually have less time to commit to their passion and eventually give it up, which shouldn’t have to be the case. Hopefully, with exposure and knowledge to how poorly artists (of all medium) are treated, people will change their mindsets and learn that the arts are just as valuable as sciences.

Sources

1. CSULB Truth Page2. CSULB Fine Arts Heat Page3. Daily 49er Article: Conoley & CSU executives’ salary increase creates disdain from faculty4. Post citing the Dean of Arts Minimilazing Students' Negative Experiences5. Board of Trustees Meeting Video6. CSULA Truth Page7. Zoe Bee - What are English Classes FOR?

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Writing

The Joys of Living With Executive DysfunctionFor some reason, I could never figure out why I was never able to bring the ideas I jotted down from my mind to life. Maybe it was just school. Maybe it was just life. Maybe it was it was the fact I struggled to find an income under the pressure of my dad nagging at me to “get a job”. How could I have never known there was something else that explained my inability to turn ideas into something real?Three years from when I first asked that question, I had to learn much later than I would have preferred what it was. When my friend told me they were also autistic like me, they told me about their experiences finding out later in life, how being neurodivergent is a different experience from being neurotypical, and the struggle of executive dysfunction. The last one hit like a brick. When looking back at it all, it started to make sense. Whenever I didn’t have many commitments, which would have been the ideal time for me to make ideas into the tangible world, I somehow managed to waste all that time away instead of using it to master my craft. If I had been more productive, I wonder where in my life I would be right now. I think where I would be even more in a universe where COVID-19 was never a serious issue as it is right now. Instead of being a musician who is barely trying to master REAPER software to record songs, I envision myself as a scriptwriter for a miniseries or something similar of the sort. I find myself lost in thought, thinking that I could be in a better spot than I am right now.At the same time, if I never learned of executive dysfunction, I might have been in a worse position as well. I would still be struggling to find out why I can’t complete projects even with all the time on my hands. I would burn out and not even know how much of a negative effect it has on my performance, especially since I get tired easily. Most importantly, I would not familiarize myself with my own weaknesses and it would more likely than not get the better of me. It sounds counterintuitive but taking time to relax after five years of school and balancing work for two years alleviated much of my stress-induced executive disorder. With all of that cleared, it gave me time to really think about what I actually wanted to do and turn plans into action.I can’t say I don’t have executive dysfunction anymore but learning to handle it made my life somehow easier than I thought it’d be. If it weren’t for my friend who told me about it, life would be harder for me in various ways. Additionally, since I joined a neurodivergent group the same friend made, it’s made living who I am now much more bearable. I’ve familiarized myself with what were my strengths and limits and most of all, I’m only beginning to let go of the fear of missing out because of not being able to do anything. Not every opportunity is for me and that’s fine, because something better may come along the way by just learning to take things slowly and actually doing things right, even if some people may silently judge me for not doing things normally or quickly enough.

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artwork

digital portfolio

As a hobby, I like to make photoshop edits. I was once certified with the program back in 2017, but that story shall be saved for another time. Ever since the pandemic, I've been picking up on this passion again and hope that I will make better edits than the ones I lost on an old computer.

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polaroid shots

Coming Soon! Visit @molaroid_shots on Instagram for my current portfolio!

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photos

shit that lives rent free in my head